Columnist Dr Katie Musgrave takes a look at what 2023 could have in store
What will the year hold for general practice? Since we are now so accustomed to reading of GPs’ failings in the press, I thought I’d offer a light-hearted preview in the form of anticipated news headlines and Pulse articles…
Derbyshire PCN provides ‘friendly neighbours on prescription’
A forward-thinking PCN has employed 100 warm-hearted retirees as ‘friendly neighbours on prescription’ to regularly pop into the homes of their most isolated patients. PCN clinical director Damien Greasypole is effusive: ‘It’s exactly the sort of work that GPs should be spear-heading.’
National GP leader Melanie Stupidideas celebrated the innovation: ‘This is a wonderful scheme. Nobody should be without friends in the 21st century, and as GPs we are certainly best placed to provide them.’
Woman waits six weeks for ambulance, after suffering a fall and breaking every bone in her body
This is the tragic tale of an elderly lady who fell at home while hanging Christmas decorations on her tree. Appalled relatives report the ambulance did not arrive until Valentine’s Day. Fortunately they could access their local Deliveroo service, so the distressed patient was able to enjoy a burrito with extra nachos (which arrived within 5 minutes).
The lady’s son is quoted saying: ‘Their delicious chilli sauce was, however, scant compensation.’
Plans to scale up PCN to cover 1 million patients
Seventeen Manchester-based PCNs have opted to merge to form a new super-PCN, Pulse can exclusively report. The Manchester GPs have developed an artificial intelligence-based triage system, where their million patients engage with the practice via an app. Practice-level data shows that the PCN offers a 100% same-day response rate, but patient satisfaction scores suggest that it is the lowest-rated practice in the country.
Their PCN director Andrew Bigfish says: ‘Our avant-garde practice provides a unique offer to our patients, who have found that access to someone, anyone (even a virtual reality chat bot) is far more important than continuity.’
Local resident Steve Noonewillseeme is less complimentary: ‘Since the practices merged, patients have been forced to use this godawful app. Half the time, it tells you to visit a pharmacy, and the other half it links to self-help guides. Nobody I have met has ever successfully managed to speak to a GP.’
But NHS leaders are celebrating the innovative approach and encouraging more PCNs to follow suit.
GP leader Jonathan Nopatients says: ‘This is the future of general practice. We simply must continue to scale up GP surgeries further, and embrace new technologies, so that we can efficiently and effectively meet the increasingly overwhelming demands of our patients.’
More NHS GPs working in Barbados than Burnley
An investigation has found there are now more UK GPs working remotely from Barbados than are based in the entire town of Burnley. There has been a mass exodus of Burnley’s GPs, who have discovered that they can do their jobs quite easily from overseas.
Dr Maria Idontgiveaduck says: ‘I have a great life. I consult from 9am until 11am, then have my mid-morning Pina Colada, a quick jet ski, and can be back online for admin at 12.30pm. It’s a win-win for patients and the NHS.’
GP Lisa Verybendylegs even offers her patients weekly Zoom Yoga sessions from the beach. The Barbados based GPs meet regularly for educational sessions, and GP morale has never been higher. The one remaining GP in Burnley was approached, but has refused to comment.
GP imitators trained up to bolster PCN staff
A pilot scheme training GP imitators has been developed in South Wales. This area, which is particularly short of GPs, has found the reassuring presence of a GP imitator can replicate the ‘doctor as a drug’ that some patients have been missing. These valuable staff members are trained to explore ideas, concerns and expectations, while being very careful to offer no solutions. GP leaders have heralded the scheme as a great success – as it has consistently reduced return visits at all practices where it has been trialled.
There you have it – my preview of the year. I may jest (if you didn’t laugh you would have to cry), but the NHS has never been in a poorer state. Millions of patients are suffering badly for want of accessible medical care, at all levels in our system. NHS leaders are fiddling while Rome burns, and we GPs are the scapegoats.
Happy New Year!
Dr Katie Musgrave is a GP in Devon and quality improvement fellow for the South West. A shorter version of this article appeared in the January 2023 issue of Pulse
Very witty and many a true word spoken in Pulse. I’m sure Dr Musgrave will have many more anticipated news headlines during 2023 and will reflect a lot of the silliness that really does occur in the NHS and is humorous but with a truly serious side: satire.