Dr Tony Copperfield congratulates journalists on their extraordinary efforts to undermine GP morale this year
As another tumultuous year comes to a close, we GPs would like to thank journalists, and particularly the editors of national and local newspapers, for their tireless work in their coverage of primary care. If GPs are part of the bedrock of society, then you must be the slurry in a thin sedimentary layer, and you can be very proud of that.
What you have achieved in naming and shaming individual GPs and practices, turning patients against us and generally undermining morale has required extraordinary effort.
To give just a few highlights, you have revealed to the public the shocking truth that GPs have unacceptable waiting times, don’t do enough F2F appointments, ignore the obese, work remotely, are part time, cause overcrowding in A&E, prescribe too much, prescribe too little, have gold nameplates and, incredibly, want paying for all this.
You have done this while maintaining the highest journalistic standards, striving to provide coverage of difficult issues that is balanced and nuanced, such as ‘Nurses and paramedics good, GPs bad’. And this despite the fact that there are simply not enough FTE journalists to go round, which is why some anti-GP blogs and columns have had to be written by children using crayons.
We also realise you work with various other constraints such as tight deadlines, a lack of factual information, no understanding of statistics and the ongoing pressure to maintain this vendetta against GPs (and yes, we admit, we are evil). And we are glad to be able to confirm that press regulatory bodies will be able to take these factors into account before rejecting any complaint about GP coverage.
But next year may prove even harder for you. The demand for negative GP angles has never been greater, and there are still some members of the public who don’t realise how rubbish and lazy their family doctor is. So we need you to continue your amazing efforts but to work harder and smarter.
You can do so safe in the knowledge that yes, actually, GPs would piss on you if you were on fire. And yes, we are completely useless at telling between a cold, flu, Covid, Strep A, meningitis etc – but we can assure you that if you ever fall ill yourselves, we’ll ensure you get the medical care you deserve.
Dr Copperfield is a GP in Essex. Read more of his blogs here
Almost no other professional is needing to write this. And that is very sad. One could have stopped at the word slurry, as that is even generous. The GP – the British talk of the town. Next to Harry and the Three Lions. Next to the Queen and besides the weather. GP. That narrated piece of concrete in the ugly Crown jewels of the nation. Keep chiselling, keep loading in. I’d call you famous. Epic. Monumental. Cornerstone. A national conundrum. Maybe they’re jealous. And certainly lonely. Their lives are mostly empty, grey and copy and pasted. Clinging to fake reality and click-bait, salivating over cookies and their psycho-manipulation of the aimless salivating crowd. They live in utter toxicity, around narcissists and drink the same slurry with which they regurgitate drivel. A gnawing cycle of “here we go again”, that makes the sound of tinnitus almost tranquil and smell of vomit almost floral. Drowning in their own monotonous voice of acting like a prat (as children say). They don’t even have the courtesy to write your title in full, maybe it’s the C grade they got in English, whilst you got the A. That still winds them up. And the fact that you have learnt an entire lexicon, that they don’t understand. And maybe that people might actually like you, and trust you and endow their lives in your hands. That is just annoying isn’t it? You spent 12 years to earn that right, and they want you stripped of it on a page. How low can you get. Gives them a reason of being at least, doing something not very worthwhile, sledging the last few carers around, the high-street Poundshop doctor. But, today’s news, is tomorrow’s trash. GPs will get their £200,00 salary one day when this is all over, and they will one day play golf with ease and people will beg for a generalist who cares. Human touch is rare, empathy and compassion is priceless – if you believe in it and nurture it. We know their scripts are delivered by even sicker orchestraters who hide from view. They want auto-destruction within the layers of Primary care, they’re all in on it, and setting it up to fail to bring in the saviour procurements, big corporate and Americans which lurk everywhere. The end of an era, and beginning of the future. It begins here. *But, 2023 maybe is the year of the GP. In that, in a few days or a weeks you could actually crash the entire national NHS system, without a strike and without closing your phone. By thinking smart and doing exactly what the juggernaut dictates and opening the gate wide open, and throwing away the key, and even the gate itself. Play the headlines, and hit the ball out of the park. It is already happening, low morale is proportional to waste and dissatisfaction – you could just step aside, but on scale, and all will explode fantastically without much effort. You can then be the Hero. Then drive your Hero Honda off into the sunset. And ultimately, send this slurry back into the slurry. Happy tomorrow. And well done.
My most recent comment has been taken down.
I would like to apologise
I in no way meant to harm the reputations of the noble callings of sex workers, money traffickers, drug dealers, organised criminals and the current occupants of the London Zoo Reptile house by perhaps drawing a too close comparison to Conservative Party MPs.
I can strongly recommend signing up to the Daily Mail online. It’s such fun winding these people up it’s a wonderful antidote to a long day at the office.
I do love a bit of Copperfield – erudite, scathing, funny and for me the medical equivalent of Jonathan Pie…. but sometimes – just sometimes – the comments by my esteemed compatriots are even better! Spot on chaps and chappesses 😏